Photographs
Recently I've been going over pictures of Kevin. Something I've done periodically since he disappeared. Putting together photos to give the private investigator. Most recently trying to find the best picture to give the Des Moines Register columnist for her article on Kevin. I have some special ones too that were given to me. Pictures taken over the Christmas holidays, 2003, when I last saw Kevin. Pictures of Brian and Kevin, of Kevin and Sarah and then mostly pictures of Brian and Jaylynn. There are bunches of pictures of Kevin growing up which I have. As I mentioned before, I really think Kevin liked having his picture taken, or if he didn't, he at least would rise to the occasion and put on his best smile.
Pictures are a comfort to me and yet at other times they're upsetting to me. Much of my life I haven't cared for photos. I guess it depends on the occasion. They can bring back painful memories as well as pleasant ones. People most always smile in pictures even if they are unhappy so I guess that's what bothers me the most. In Kevin's case I'm so thankful for each and every picture I have of him.
Yesterday I spoke to a man I had spoken to before regarding Kevin. He said that he was so sorry for the loss of my son and that it must be unfathomable. This is a word I've used myself and yet that word doesn't even say it all. This morning I had one of those times or moments, although it has lasted more than that, where I all-of-a-sudden am over taken by feelings of well being. Where my utter feelings of loss and despair were replaced by calm and peace and comfort. A feeling that Kevin was fine and with me and not to worry. I am so elated, as I've said before. It has been a while since I've had this feeling and so it is a joy. There are other times when I get a panicy feeling when the stark reality hits me. But for now I won't think of that but will revel in my uplifted spirits this morning.
Once again I'm going to get together a few more photos which will hopefully go on Kevin's website. So, I have all of these images of Kevin when he was alive. Pictures of him at all different ages. I use to work at a Flea market and remember seeing pictures there. Lots of them which I half glanced at. The proprietor would buy out the contents of homes in the area. They were all pictures of people who were real and had a life story to tell. I guess the next time I'm at a flea market I will look differently at those photos as I now look very differently at Kevin's photos.
Kevin was very real and had a life story to tell too. He isn't real to us anymore. He is gone. And yet we have photographs which aren't real. They are images. And yet they survive...I look at these images of Kevin all the time. I guess it makes me question reality. What is real. What isn't. And then the disbelief. How could this be happening?
Pictures are a comfort to me and yet at other times they're upsetting to me. Much of my life I haven't cared for photos. I guess it depends on the occasion. They can bring back painful memories as well as pleasant ones. People most always smile in pictures even if they are unhappy so I guess that's what bothers me the most. In Kevin's case I'm so thankful for each and every picture I have of him.
Yesterday I spoke to a man I had spoken to before regarding Kevin. He said that he was so sorry for the loss of my son and that it must be unfathomable. This is a word I've used myself and yet that word doesn't even say it all. This morning I had one of those times or moments, although it has lasted more than that, where I all-of-a-sudden am over taken by feelings of well being. Where my utter feelings of loss and despair were replaced by calm and peace and comfort. A feeling that Kevin was fine and with me and not to worry. I am so elated, as I've said before. It has been a while since I've had this feeling and so it is a joy. There are other times when I get a panicy feeling when the stark reality hits me. But for now I won't think of that but will revel in my uplifted spirits this morning.
Once again I'm going to get together a few more photos which will hopefully go on Kevin's website. So, I have all of these images of Kevin when he was alive. Pictures of him at all different ages. I use to work at a Flea market and remember seeing pictures there. Lots of them which I half glanced at. The proprietor would buy out the contents of homes in the area. They were all pictures of people who were real and had a life story to tell. I guess the next time I'm at a flea market I will look differently at those photos as I now look very differently at Kevin's photos.
Kevin was very real and had a life story to tell too. He isn't real to us anymore. He is gone. And yet we have photographs which aren't real. They are images. And yet they survive...I look at these images of Kevin all the time. I guess it makes me question reality. What is real. What isn't. And then the disbelief. How could this be happening?
posted by Patricia | 8:03 AM
1 Comments:
I'm going to Flanagan's on Friday. I haven't ever been there, but wanna check out the atmosphere. Not sure what time, but I've never been in there for some reason. Checkin out the Pipes at the Royal Mile at 12:30. Other than that I'm not on any set schedule.
Greg
PS ig you read this, go to my comment under your "des moines" post. Take Care...
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