New year's Eve
Well, the morning of New Year's Eve. Once again I wish this whole thing to be over with. Once again all of the expectations we place on our selves because we live in this society. The bigget party of all and the beautiful Waterford crystal ball of Times Square dominates the news the last couple of days. A million people plus will party in Time Square alone. I must say I would like to see Dick Clark again. Apparently he had a stroke and wasn't MC last year. I'll have to wait and see news coverage tomorrow morning though because I'm going to bed Dick Clark or not!
This is a time of reflection, obviously. I envy those pople who are looking forward to a big celebration tonight. In my own thinking I have reflected and know all of the things I didn't get accomplished last year. For many years now I have always gone to bed early to wake up refreshed. At least I will start the New Year off right. Right for me. I don't feel I have anything to celebrate at the end of the year so I would at least like to start off a new year with a good night sleep and lots of hope that this next year will be different.
Last New Year's I still had hope that Kevin was alive. This year I have hope that we will have some answers regarding Kevin's death. This will be Kevin's year. I have hope but I also know what's ahead of me and ,yes, I might wake up refreshed but I feel I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I wasn't ready to tackle this when I first got here. I'm not ready now but it's what I have to do. To ask questions, talk to some people. What, doesn't really matter. I know what I have to do. For the first time in my life I've never been so clear about my mission. Yes, as one of the tv newscasters said, so many of the markers of life deal with death. The death of Kevin in my life inexplicable, astronomical.
So this is the Eve of Kevin. The smallest little thing will be a start and will make a difference. I have started already, I know that, but this year will be a focused effort, 2006... and now I have to go to the store to get some hummus, one of Kevin's favorite foods. I'll have that tonight along with some horseradish cheese (which Kevin liked as long as it wasn't too hot) when I get home from work.
Happy New Year sweetheart Kevin. Always in my heart and on my mind...
This is a time of reflection, obviously. I envy those pople who are looking forward to a big celebration tonight. In my own thinking I have reflected and know all of the things I didn't get accomplished last year. For many years now I have always gone to bed early to wake up refreshed. At least I will start the New Year off right. Right for me. I don't feel I have anything to celebrate at the end of the year so I would at least like to start off a new year with a good night sleep and lots of hope that this next year will be different.
Last New Year's I still had hope that Kevin was alive. This year I have hope that we will have some answers regarding Kevin's death. This will be Kevin's year. I have hope but I also know what's ahead of me and ,yes, I might wake up refreshed but I feel I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I wasn't ready to tackle this when I first got here. I'm not ready now but it's what I have to do. To ask questions, talk to some people. What, doesn't really matter. I know what I have to do. For the first time in my life I've never been so clear about my mission. Yes, as one of the tv newscasters said, so many of the markers of life deal with death. The death of Kevin in my life inexplicable, astronomical.
So this is the Eve of Kevin. The smallest little thing will be a start and will make a difference. I have started already, I know that, but this year will be a focused effort, 2006... and now I have to go to the store to get some hummus, one of Kevin's favorite foods. I'll have that tonight along with some horseradish cheese (which Kevin liked as long as it wasn't too hot) when I get home from work.
Happy New Year sweetheart Kevin. Always in my heart and on my mind...
posted by Patricia | 8:04 AM
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